Adoption is a process that many thought was reserved for parents unable to have children. However as the face of adoption changes, many families are considering adoption when choosing to expand their family. As the mother of three biological sons and one adopted son, I am among those who have chosen adoption as an option to complete my family. Adoption is an upward trend as we see more and more grandparents, and extended families raising children. My husband and I did not set out on a quest to adopt. Adoption just kind of found us.

In a society where jobs are scarce, I longed to go back to graduate school to complete my degree in Administration. With money being tight, my husband and I sat down and brainstormed for ways to pay for my graduate school without putting us further in debt. My parents had been foster parents for awhile and we knew being foster parents paid a stipend to take care of the foster children. With a degree in education, and three children, I have a love of chidren and becoming foster parents seemed like a perfect fit. We had the room, we were financially fit, and this was a good fit for both us and the foster child involved. As we laid in bed at night and discussed the new addition to our family we told ourselves we were only going to do this for awhile and we were not in foster care to adopt. Little did we know we would soon be meeting the love of our life.

After thirty hours of classroom training and an intense home study, we were open for business. As we sat at home anticipating the phone call from our social worker to come meet the newest member to our family one huge aspect we neglected was how would our biological children feel about sharing their parents.

Jonathan and I took for granted our boys would be just as excited about having a new addition to our family as we were. Sure we told them about foster care. Sure we explained that soon another child would be coming to live with us, but we failed to listen to what they had to say about it and how they felt about the entire situation. Many people may think the most important thing when considering foster care or adoption is to research what is required to accomplish the goal of adoption. In my opinion the first and most important step when considering becoming foster care or adopted parents is to sit down as a family and discuss what is involved in foster care and adoption. How will our lives change? How will the new addition effect the relationships between the parents and the biological children. Biological children need to be reassured they are not being replaced. This is not a competition for your love. Biological children need and must be involved in every aspect of this process. Remember you are building a family and there is enough love for everyone.

In my personal experience the adoption of my son Jostan has been both a challenge and a blessing. As I neglected to include my biological children in many aspects of his inclusion into our family, it has caused many hardships and arguments in our household, however we are a work in progress. My advice to parents considering adoptions remember your biological children are a part of your family and the more you include them in this process, the better the outcome.