Created equal

CREATED EQUAL

As we prepare to welcome another child into the world, I'm doing my best to keep things equal. Is it out of reach?

As you know from reading my blogs about my first pregnancy, I did all the usual new mommy things. I decorated a nursery, lovingly picked out a going-home outfit, read up on everything I needed to know about nutrition and childbirth, made a scrapbook, knitted a blanket, exercised and got my rest.

I'm doing good these days to get my hair dry before I go to work. How can a working mom of a busy 1-year-old keep it all together and try to devote as much time to prepping for this baby who's going to be here sooner than I think?

Obviously, the nursery is done, we have blankets and bottles, the swing and the stroller, so that's taken care of, but I'm still feeling the need to give this baby everything I gave to Kanyon. I think I might be a bit unrealistic though. I've started knitting a baby blanket, but I'm so tired at the end of the night that it's only got about 6 inches complete. I also have carved out some time with my mom to make this baby a scrapbook too, so I feel good about that.

However, there's a pregnancy journal that's got a few scarce entries in it and I know I was diligent about writing in the one for Kanyon. I have yet to take a proper belly bump picture and the list goes on. I've heard from several people about "#2" and how the first child you find a clean, dry burp cloth to wipe their mouth, and the second child gets whatever's handy. Then there's the classic one about box loads of pictures for the first child and just a few snapshots of the second.

I am a realistic person, but with idealistic hopes. Therefore, I'm hoping to come as close as possible to giving this child the same things his or her older brother got. If I can't, will that be hard to explain to this child someday? Will they even notice?

I have to be honest, and maybe this is normal, but sometimes it's easy to forget I'm pregnant because life with a toddler is so busy! It's a totally different thing than the first time. I literally was tuned into pregnancy all day and all night. Now, it's pretty apparent at night, due to the fun sleep disruptions that come along with pregnancy, but when I'm in Kanyon's mommy mode, there's no time to sit in the armchair, reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" while lovingly rubbing my baby bump. I don't want this child to feel less loved, because there's no way that's the case! So how do you moms of two or more find balance for both children?

And there's a flip side as well. Will Kanyon get what he needs after his sibling is here? I'm especially going to grapple with this balance after this child is born. I'll take any advice I can get. I'm sure this is a normal thing for moms to wonder about. Will I still be able to dote on my first born while caring for a newborn? Is it a life-long learning process?



About the Author...
Sarah Stokes
When Sarah's not at work, she enjoys soaking up every minute with her children, visiting friends and family, taking scenic drives, reading and gardening.

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  • by Michelle Location: Chippewa Falls on May 5, 2012 at 12:34 AM
    You shouldn't feel like your not giving the same time and effort to this pregnancy because I'm sure your doing another excellent job. With reading your blog I doubt your not doing just as good job with this pregnancy as you did with the first. Your obviously a wonderful mom. I would guess the feeling that your not putting the same amount time and engery into this pregnancy is probably actually just that you are more comfortable and know what to expect now that you already went through it. Being able to feel more laid back this time aroung might not be a bad thing since you have already have an adorable little bundle of engery running around that you have to try to keep up with. So don't even drive yourself crazy with things you'll never have to worry about. Just by reading your stories between you , Chris, and the grandparents I don't think that your children are going to feel lacking in love or attention. Just think when #2 arrives this time you'll have a speical little helper
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  • by Stacey on May 3, 2012 at 10:58 AM
    All of your thoughts are 100% natural and expected. I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old and I can never seem to find a good way to manage my time between them. With my second one I miss those moments when you had time to sit and simply continue rocking that sweet baby for another 1/2 hour even after they had fallen asleep, just because it felt nice. Don't worry, it works out. Kanyon will certainly adapt. I know you are the kind of person to always make him feel loved and special and he will be in awe of that little bindle just as you and Chris are. He will be old enough to feel helpful in grabbing a diaper or the baby blanket. I know I have more pictures of the first, but I also know I was obsessive with the camera. I'd say the second one just has a more realistic amount of pictures taken and I always leave the camera sitting out so I don't forget to take time to capture those moments :)
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  • by Kim Location: Central WI on Apr 28, 2012 at 08:21 AM
    I actually laughed out loud when I read the part about with baby #1 you use a nice clean burp cloth etc and for baby #2 you find whatever is closest.. SO TRUE!!! I had my 2nd child 1 year ago and my son has adapted very well. He is her biggest protector. Once we were at a play date and another boy his age pulled her sock off and my son was like " give that back to my sister and don't ever do that again" LOL... The things kids say and do. Although they have their moments when he gets a little rough with her. He doesn't mean it in a mean/hurtful way he just doens't know his own strength. I'm sure Kanyon will adapt well to the upcoming change. I know that my son wanted to be a big helper so he would get me the pacifier, the bottle, a blanket, a dipaer whatever and whenever I asked... It was great...I know Kanyon is a little younger than my son but maybe if you incorporate him being your helper it will help to adjust! CONGRATS!
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  • by Sara Location: Cadott on Apr 16, 2012 at 03:21 PM
    I can relate to everything you just posted. Every worry and concern is the same as mine. I was almost laughing as I ready through your post because it sounded as if it came right out of my mouth. I am a mommy of a three year old boy and we are due to have baby boy #2 in July. My biggest concern is my son's feelings and how he will cope to not having mommy and daddy all to himself and I am also right there with you with not feeling like I am preparing like I did for my son or have the time to.I just thought it might make you feel better to know you are definitely not alone:)
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  • by Mary Location: Mondovi on Apr 14, 2012 at 01:54 PM
    They will be okay. I had 3 children in 28 months. Oldest never really know that that he had to share his mom and dad. Today they are very close to each other and their three other sibling. This gave me a lot of experience in taking care of kids. We also had 4 foster children seven children under seven. Two 2 year olds. Now I'm a grandma of 13 including 2 sets of twins. Told you my kids were close. Today I love them them same but sometimes I don't like them
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  • by Kelly Location: Eau Claire on Apr 8, 2012 at 08:59 PM
    Don't be hard on yourself you can't do all the same things because when you got ready to have Kanyon, you didn't have a baby to take care of. I have 4 kids and what they are going to remember is how you love them and spend time with them not whether they have a knitted blanket, or a completed baby book, those momentos actually are more for the Mommy than they are for the baby. The best plan would be once they get a bit bigger to make sure to spend individual time with each child not every day because that is unrealistic but have a just Mommy and me date with each child once every few weeks. Oh and just Daddy and me dates too. Because I have 4 kids those dates come once every few months but it really makes a lot of difference.If one of my kids starts acting up too much I know it is time for some one on one.
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  • by Mary Jane Location: Rock Falls on Apr 5, 2012 at 06:21 AM
    I had four children, two boys and two girls and what I found out is that all you need to do is love them and spend time with them! Everything else is not as important to them as it is to you. Just love them! And as they grow up remember to be their mom - not their best friend. They will have lots of friends in their lives but only one mommy. :-)
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  • by Mindee Location: Chippewa Falls on Mar 31, 2012 at 09:08 PM
    Sarah, The thing that i learned when i had my second child, while i was feed or taking care of baby 2, their dad was doing fun stuff with our oldest child. Then while our son baby 2 was sleeping i would spend as much time as i could with our oldest. That way they both got alot of time with each of mommy and daddy. and to this day our daughter who is 5 still remembers the time she spend with each of us. We also had our daughter at all the doc appts with us, she even got to be in with us when we were having the ultra sounds. Alot of people think its wrong but our daughter even asked if she could be in the delivery room with us when her baby brother was born. She was in the room and she loved it. She was every protective of her brother after that.. She said it was one of things that she will always remember that she got to watch her brother come into this world. If i ever have any more kids i will give my kids that chance again. Congrats on baby #2!!
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  • by Kath Location: EC on Mar 22, 2012 at 11:27 AM
    I say enjoy the time with Kanyon and when you find that rare "me" moment enjoy it. Do the little children know if you messed up? Nope! They just want their mommy :) For the next 18 years you will have your life overtaken by the children. I have three and all are now finished college and on their own. What I find most special is all the photos I did take and now have time to scrap, bring back many wonderful memories as I go through each one. So for now, enjoy life with little ones because it will too soon be gone. You will have time for the other stuff later on...
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  • by Kat Location: tomah on Mar 21, 2012 at 06:54 PM
    I agree with Melissa. #2 will benefit just from having an experienced mom and dad and a "big" brother to play with. and if it's a girl, it will be a totally new experience, or a little boy that is totally different. Their is no limit on love.
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  • by Bruce Berg Location: Eau Claire on Mar 21, 2012 at 05:53 PM
    You will do just fine! Heck, I've never raised a child and "walked in" on a 15 year old kid while I was ending a bad marriage. She accepted me for the situation I was in and I accepted her for where she was in life. Life always means change. Love the best you can and that's the best you can do!
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  • by Melissa Lyn Location: Farmington, MN on Mar 21, 2012 at 04:33 PM
    Don't worry so much about what #2 is missing and think about all the things he/she will get-a relaxed mom loaded with experience and love! You are a great mom and you will be amazed at how everything just falls into place.
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  • by Katie K. on Mar 21, 2012 at 04:29 PM
    Sarah-I know exactly how you feel. I have albums and albums of photos printed out of my 1st born child. I have taken photos of my last two kids....but not very many are printed and organized neatly into albums! (They still remain in 'digital-land' on our computer!) But I think about MY mom and the pictures and scrapbooks she has of me, and honestly....it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me now, as a grown adult, is the wonderful relationship we have and the memories we both cherish. You are a great momma to Kanyon. He knows that. Just keep showing him the love that you have always shown and things will turn out just fine. :)
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  • by Tonya Location: CF on Mar 21, 2012 at 03:53 PM
    That blog was so sweet and caring! Well, I am pregnant with my 3rd. My oldest is 7 and the other 2 yrs old and what I've learned it is easier with more than one child. I was more nervous having the 2nd than I am now expecting the 3rd. Just remember you'll be glad your kids are close in age. I grew up in a family of 7 and wouldn't change it for a minute!!!
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  • by heathet Location: cornell on Mar 21, 2012 at 03:34 PM
    It is very common to feel that way on your second pregency. I had a hard time too but I found a way to included my twin boys that is the key because you can spend that much needed time with both of the kids. Dont worry you will do fine!!!! It is a learn as you go but it is easy to figure out what to do when the baby comes.
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  • by Kaye Location: EC on Mar 21, 2012 at 03:25 PM
    I am a grandmother of 12 now but our 1st 2 kids were 15 months apart and we owned our own business which I managed 14hrs a day. I worried too but things have a way of working themselves out without much concious input. Our son started to walk the week before our daughter was born so that was pretty scarey in itself. Good luck to all of you but I'm sure you'll do just fine!
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