No matter how clean the house is on Friday night, Saturday morning always brings a sloppy slew of toys strewn throughout every room. A trail from the basement where some toys were lost on the steps out of necessity and excitement, through the living room where clumps of toys gather with no order or meaning, even remnants of toys rolling under beds and tucked away deep inside shoes just because. It's frustrating, the mess, but also a little comforting. I remember when this house was nothing but empty newness, still with sawdust in the corners and carpet fragments lazily waiting to be swept up. There was still a construction worker's microwave in the corner of the garage as we made our final walk through and talked excitedly about what would go where and who would sleep here and who would sleep there. And now it's ours. With our messes and our toys and our memories. Even a scratch or two on the brand new wood floor, frustrating, but still ours.
The nesting instinct has taken over. It's one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. It's so primal, so powerful, this fiery force within me that demands I ready our home for a new life. I waffle between frantic cleaning sessions and exhausted lounges where I let everything go, but still I feel pretty ready. The best part about a third boy is not having to buy anything, and the nostalgia of pulling a folded onesie out of a box and remembering when two little boys were much smaller and nestled nicely inside of it. Someday all of the boys will get tired of hand-me-downs and demand better, but for now it's a sweet way that all the boys are connected.
I still have 7 weeks. An eternity and an instant all at once. I could blink and he'd be here tomorrow, but when I'm panting to get up the stairs or the way Tom look at me makes me cry, in those moments I'm eternally pregnant and there is no hope of this baby coming. Until these 7 weeks pass we wait. We wait, I nest, and we squeeze every bit of love we can into these two boys that are about to become three. Oh Bub and Teebs, I wish I could tell you how important these last weeks of pregnancy are with you, how much I want to cherish the two of you being just two, but how excited I am to give you another brother to love. And I know you will love him so, so good.
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