Being Schooled By a Two-Year-Old

Courtney Rubin

This article, entitled I Am Still Being Schooled By My 2-Year-Old comes from Courtney Rubin at partner site Embracing the Insanity.

The last few weeks I have learned a few things thanks to my youngest child; a boy who never fails to keep this mama on her toes. Here’s a few examples:

1. If you leave a toddler coloring peacefully in his booster seat with an open pretzel bag on the table while you put a load of laundry in, you will return to find said snack bag now holding a yummy combo of pretzels and crayons. Apparently, I have a little Lebron James on my hands since the only way to create this new snack mix was to throw the crayons into the bag from his chair, one by one, rapid-fire style. Lesson learned: Nothing is safe, even when son is strapped tightly into a booster seat.

2. If you give a 2-year-old a plate of anything messy, he will immediately dump the food and place the plate on his head so you can see his new “hat”. Lesson learned: Expect a thorough scrubbing to occur immediately after dinner if a plate is involved…should probably expect this outcome if a bowl is involved too, even though that hasn’t happened…yet.

3. If you buy/receive a gift for your 2-year-old that makes noise of any kind, it will not work when you want it to, but it will go off at 3am like it is possessed. Lesson learned: Leave the noise making to the kids, not the toys; and/or just take out the batteries when the kids aren’t looking to avoid having to exorcise the house in the wee hours of the morning.

4. If you allow your sweet baby to come up to you and give you hugs and kisses, you will get drenched in drool and most likely high-fived in the face. Lesson learned: Love sometimes hurts/sucks – literally.

5. If your little one can throw a ball, he will throw everything else too and most likely at least one object a day will hit you directly in the head. Lesson learned: Moms have thick skulls…or short-term memory loss from being hit in the head repeatedly with household objects.

6. If you are in the midst of potty training, your child will laugh in your face as he sits on the potty for 20 minutes without anything occurring (or as he continues to run away from the toilet with no success – there is a different scenario every other day); he will continue the laughing as he starts soiling himself immediately upon realizing that you have finally given up on him using the toilet at that moment – then he will proceed to tell you straight to your face that he is now going potty, as if the smell didn’t give you the first heads up. Lesson learned: Just go ahead and buy stock in Depends because he will never be potty trained.

7. If you are trying to teach your child his colors by handing him fruit snacks one at a time, he will patiently listen to you call out each color, smile, and then say, “good job, mom” as though he was a test proctor and you were the one actually being tested on how well you know the colors. Lesson learned: Bribing a kid with food so that he can learn something may not be the right method (should have known this from potty-training attempts).

8. If one of your older children leaves a drink anywhere on the table, even if just for 2 seconds while they go grab a book or another snack, your dear toddler will get it. He may be in a completely different room at the time, but somehow his amazing senses tell him that the opportunity to spill a sticky substance has arisen again – RUN! Lesson learned: Tell children that if baby brother gets their drink, they get nothing but water for the rest of the day. This hasn’t actually helped with baby spilling drinks, but it has kept our older ones hydrated with water because not a day goes by without at least one of them getting this “punishment” – I’m going to call that the silver lining.

9. If your son watches a movie once and decides that the movie is his favorite, you will watch it for the rest of your life. Lesson learned: Suck it up and start quoting the movie during random life situations. (For example: “I am the Lorax Mommy, I speak for the trees kids”)

10. If you decide to be a good wife and stop at a small restaurant to pick up breakfast to take to your husband at work, your little one will pick 45 different seats to sit in and will try to climb into the trash can because he finds the swinging door to be “fun”. This will turn a 5 minute stop into what feels like an hour and a half session at the gym. Lesson learned: You can burn off those post-baby calories, even though you feel like an over-worked mule. Some people pay big bucks for this kind of torture and he is blessing you with an overabundance of exercise for free.

Now, I am sure that I have learned many other lessons from my little one, but due to my horrible short-term memory from aforementioned objects to the head, sheer exhaustion and poor nutrition thanks to my new diet of pretzels and crayons, that’s all I have for now. Isn’t it so sweet of my little guy to keep me educated daily?!



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