Single Moms and Dating: How to Protect Your Kids

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Single moms have plenty to worry about. They have the constant concern or trying to be both parents to one child and all that role encompasses. It’s enough to have a woman on constant high alert with feelings of edginess and anxiety that lay just below the surface of the smiles and the thoughtful she tries to put in her daily activities.

Yet the thing that is the number one concern for many single moms is the thing that gets talked about the least. Single moms constantly fear that they will make a poor choice that they could never have foreseen the results of. They are afraid they will date a man who will molest their children. Until the time comes when child molesters are forced to wear some type of mark or who can be genetically identified at birth, a single mom has to make use of the resources she has in order to keep her child(ren) safe.

Keep Informed is one of the most useful resources a single mom or any mom has. Through this site moms can access information about child molesters in their area. This is a great tool for single moms who want to be informed about the dangers of her own neighborhood, but it also works well outside your own neighborhood if you know where the person lives. The only problem is that you can’t always count of offenders to register, even though they are supposed to by law. In most cases offenders don’t have to register when the time between the conviction and the current date is 10 years, so this is something to be aware of as well. Whether you are dating or not, it does not hurt to keep informed about the people you or your child is exposed to.

Set Boundaries Early

Perhaps the best way to avoid exposing your child or children to child molesters is not to leave anyone alone with your child unless you trust them completely. Knowing someone for a short time and being attracted to them is not the same as trusting them. You need to set this boundary early for both your sakes and you can even set it so that they do not feel as if you are saying they have the potential to be a molester.

As a single mother, it can be overwhelming to constantly be on duty. You are never waiting for the dad to come home so you can have a break and you don’t always get enough adult time. That means when someone comes into your life that is willing to share some responsibilities, it can be all too easy to start having them babysit for short trips to the store and eventually, longer trips out with the girls. If you set the boundary early of never leaving your child alone with a boyfriend, then you can reduce the risk of taking advantage of them as you enjoy some new found freedom. This is the perfect way to set the boundaries and term it so that you are trying to prevent yourself from doing something wrong rather than them. One of two things will happen as a result. Either he will gain respect for you as a mother and a woman or he will become angry as his plans as a molester are foiled.

Trust Your Instincts

This one is hard to live by because you might get bad feelings about a person and try to dismiss them or you may be so overwhelmed by the good feelings that you let your guard slip…maybe even let it slip too much. Don’t let your boundaries slide because you have good feelings, but do take immediate action because of the bad feelings. As much as you may want a partner in life, there is never a good reason to put your child at risk.

Use Common Sense

A child molester is never going to admit to being a child molester. They are going to have excuses if you confront them with something you heard or read. They are going to say things like they were wrongfully convicted or they met an underage girl in the bar and didn’t know she was underage. None of that matters because you need to have enough common sense to simply avoid the potential for harm, regardless of what his excuse is. He may be being honest, but are you willing to chance that with your child’s life?

Keep an Open Relationship with Your Children

As your child gets older, you may think you no longer have anything to worry about, but you are forgetting that molesters often use threats and other methods to keep children quiet. If your child speaks up or shows signs of abuse, listen to him or her and get away from the potential molester. If the child is lying because he or she simply does not like your partner, you need to move on anyhow because your child is not ready for you to be with someone, and his or her needs do come first.

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