Hello, my name is Kristi and I am a worrier.
There I said it. That is the first step, right?
Worrying is what I do. A hobby, if you will. I am that woman who tends to do ample worrying for myself and others. I have always joked that I am going to start a hotline where you can pay me to worry for you. The joke would be on them, though, because I am probably already doing it for free.
I worry about what I have said to people in conversations and what they didn’t say to me. I worry about how I am perceived and how I look at others. I worry about things that are so totally out of my control that it embarrasses me to just write it.
I have always been this person, and I wish I wasn’t. I can remember as a child being gripped with worry over school assignments and over thinking things that my friends were doing and saying. It would make things a lot smoother for me if I could just let go of some of this extra stuff and put my time toward other things. I am pretty sure with all that extra time I could cure global warning or something along those lines.
Everyone in my life knows I do this. They just have accepted that it is one of my many “quirks.” I think my husband is such a calm person because he knows that I am doing all the fretting for him. I had resigned myself to the fact that this is just me and I really can’t do much to change it.
That thought was OK until my youngest came along. He is my mini-me. He has my wit, creativity and snarky outlook on life. Unfortunately, he also has my knack for overthinking everything.
It is hard enough to deal with your own behavior and issues, but to see that mirrored in your children is heartbreaking.
I know what it is like when I see that furrowed brow and I hear myself often in his words. I don’t want him to be saddled with this, but how do I change something in him that I haven’t been able to change in myself?
I find myself making people be very mindful of how they interact with him because I know he takes everything to heart. I don’t know if my protecting and trying to shield him helps or hinders him. I wonder, if I just let nature take its course, will he develop better coping skill than I possess or it will just make it worse for him?
I wish I could take this away for him and keep it to myself. I worry enough for the two of us!
Kristi Davis is a married Fruita mom with two children. Read her Wednesdays on fruitamoms.com.