There's nothing better in this life for me than seeing my baby smile and getting to hold my little warm, snuggly bundle as I rock him to sleep. That's why I absolutely love the start and end to my new days as a new mom. I start the day with a sleepy, yet excited grin from my little one as he realizes I'm standing over his crib and I get to end my day rocking him to sleep as he cuddles up to me in his fuzzy fleece blankets. For this, I am truly grateful, even if that good morning smile comes at 4:30 a.m.
That said, I'm truly trying to adjust to having to be up that early and still be at my best for you at 10 p.m. every night. I do go back to bed for a little bit when Kanyon does, so I can function, but I have to admit, this transition has me a thrown a little off balance! I have tried to force myself to go to bed at midnight, but getting home after 11 p.m., it's hard to get to bed before 1 a.m.! I think I've done it once so far and my body and brain are feeling the effects! I know I was tired when he was waking up every 2 hours at night, but at least on maternity leave you had the hope of a nap or two. Now I'm back in the ranks of working moms and feeling an absolute new appreciation for all of you who have been doing this double duty mom and career woman thing!
As many of you know, there aren't enough hours in the day! Kanyon is only a baby and I'm already feeling like a busy "soccer mom" in the mornings! Getting him fed, bathed, dressed and packed up for daycare and trying to do everything else that needs to be done for our household is a whole new challenge! The good news is, we haven't been late to work, but I can tell you there are many days we're grabbing a sub or tacos or just eating cereal at home in the scramble to get ready for the day. Not many "hot lunches" have happened since going back to work. I hope, for our budget's sake, we iron out that wrinkle soon! Chris is obviously a big help and we're working out a system to get ready for work and make sure Kanyon has everything he needs.
Many of you have asked me how the first couple of weeks for Kanyon at daycare are going. In a word, great. He's a wonderful baby and gets a great "report card" from the ladies there. He has a wonderful teacher who's with him every night and she makes me feel so secure leaving him with her. There's usually a couple of women there until we pick Kanyon up and there always so happy and sweet about him. I know they care about the little ones they are in charge of and that has certainly helped.
Did I cry? You bet. I still do a little bit at night when I finally get to hold him. To ease our minds and get our baby fix, we pop over nightly after the 6 p.m. and check in since it's really close to work. Chris and I are still wishing there was some way one of us could stay home with Kanyon, but we do need to work and luckily, we have a wonderful situation working together at a great place. I was so surprised, though, at how tough of a time Chris has had taking Kanyon to daycare. All along, he was the one trying to reassure me that it's going to be okay! I've had to comfort him several times when I could tell it was bothering him. He thinks he should be a stay at home dad! I joke that he has no idea how hard that job actually is!
Yesterday I had my first mommy meltdown. I found myself standing at the sink washing bottles, trying to think of something to wear to work that I wouldn't feel fat in, looking around at the house that needed attention before my in-laws come for Easter (today) and I just started to cry. After my Hawaii post, you probably think I'm always crying. I'm not, but this little buddy certainly brings out the emotions! I'm told it's probably the hormones too! I'm not ashamed to say it! I'm a crier these days! And, as you've probably learned from my blog posts, I struggle with letting go of having a spic and span house and wanting to be a great hostess.
Prior to Kanyon, I would accomplish all that stuff. Now I try to let go of my issues, worrying that my guests won't have a nice meal with a pretty table setting. It's just not going to happen. Then I stack that self-pressure on top of my insecurities about my appearance and boom... I'm crying. My hubby is so sweet and comforts me... but as many of you know, you just can't help letting that all creep into your brain. I know it all boils down to sleep and expectations. I need more sleep and I need to be more realistic when it comes to my house and my hair! I'm working on it... so many of you have been propping me up with little messages of support and I have to tell you how grateful I am for your kindness.
Well, it's only fitting that I hear my little sweetheart stirring in his crib. Time to kick it into gear. It's 7:24 and I need to be in Chippewa for a media panel at 8 a.m. I haven't showered, gotten dressed or anything and of course my priority is to make sure Kanyon has a full tummy. Let the games begin! It's time for another crazy day!
Moms, I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know! I'm sure many of you are chuckling at me, thinking, "wait until you have 2 or 3!" I get it! I think... I only have one little person to manage and it's already this busy... what's it like with a house full?! I'm willing to find out, but I'm not sure if Chris is!! However, I am in love with my new family and wouldn't trade the crazy days for the world.