My Baby is Growing Up

Miranda Pardue

This article, entitled "My Baby is Growing Up," comes from MomsEveryday guest blogger, Miranda Pardue.

In a few short months my only child will turn five. Every single day he grows and I am proud. When he ties his shoe, when he spells cat, when he tells me the sound that S makes, I absolutely beam. I am thrilled and excited for him and at the exact same moment in time I am devastated. My heart is breaking and I want to lock myself in the attic and smell his baby clothes and cry and cry and cry some more.

I was not prepared for this. I was prepared for the lack of sleep. I was prepared for snot and boogers and burps and toots, and I’m pretty sure I get more than my fair share of all of them. I was prepared for screaming, throw yourself in the floor fits. He is my child after all. But being so delighted and so dismal at the same time, I do not know how to do this. And I’m not coping worth a damn.

I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry during Spiderman and I sob during The Croods. I cry when I read stories about lions in the wild reunited with the men who saved them or the blind dog who has a guide dog of his own. I didn’t even attempt to watch a single second of the Olympics, or God help me, the Oscars. I watched a movie with my husband and a mad teenager said f*** you to her parents. I cried. He looked over and tears were streaming down my face and between breaths I managed to say “one day he’s going to say f*** you to me”. I cried the last time I bought him clothes because there’s not a T to represent toddler anymore on the size 5s he needed. I’m crying now just thinking about some of the things I cry about.

All I can do right now is play and laugh and teach awesome things to my baby. He won’t be a baby much longer. And plan the most kick butt 5th birthday party ever because at least it will distract me. So if you see me in Kroger crying over a magazine cover or sitting at a red light in tears (Spirit in the Sky gets played more often than you would think) know that I am not crazy, my baby is just growing up, and maybe I’m crazy.

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