A week doesn’t go by that I don’t hear these questions: “Is she your only child?” “Do you just have one?” “Are you planning on having anymore?” “You really only want one child?” “Don’t you think she would want some siblings?” GRRRRRR!!!!!! While I don’t mind answering these questions, I sometimes just want to scream! Is it so strange that I only have a daughter? Does it make me a bad person?
The decision about having more children always seems to resurface when one of our friends welcomes a new baby (I actually just left the hospital where a friend just welcomed 2 beautiful babies). Everyone always hints that it is our turn next! My husband and I always brush or laugh off the comments.
Honestly, there is a list of reasons why we have not had another baby. You may see them as selfish or not good reasons at all, but a lot of prayer and thought have gone into this decision. It is one that didn’t come easy for our family! Since everyone always asks me my reason for only having one, I thought I would share with you a few. The first being the trouble I had carrying Bug (our daughter) to term. During my pregnancy, I had 8 ultrasounds, 6 stress tests, laid on bed rest for 8 weeks, and drank 96 oz of water a day (for 8 weeks). I will be the first to admit I was a downright miserable pregnant person, but it was nothing short of a miracle that Bug arrived on time and healthy. I did everything in my power to keep my little girl in their as long as possible.
Probably my biggest hesitancy to having another baby has to do with my history with post-partum depression. I have experienced it twice. I had post-partum after having Bug, but also after a miscarriage 2 years ago. Post-partum depression is one of the darkest and frightening things I have ever experienced! I worry about experiencing it again and the impact it will have on my family for a third time. When I was in the throws of post-partum, I was a danger to my baby and myself. I really don’t want to go back to that scary place. There are several other reasons we are an only child family, but I will save you the time.
I really love when people ask Bug if she has any siblings. Her response, “Yep, she is furry and her name is Molly” (Gosh, I love that kid)! People have hinted that I am depriving Bug of that sibling experience! Honestly, I don’t know how she will feel as an adult only child, but I feel like she is far from deprived. Two of my best-friends have 6 children between them and Bug is always with them. I know it isn’t the same as a sibling, but this group of children is growing up together like siblings. I feel blessed to have all of these children in our family’s life and in Bug’s life. They bring laughter, love, and tremendous joy!
Every family has their reasons for having multiple children; we have our reasons for stopping at one. I know I don’t have to justify our decision, I just feel like I can add some insight. I also know there are women out there that ache to have a child of their own. I have watch friends and members of my own family struggle with the heartbreak of infertility. But I have also watch the joy of adoption and the joy of unexpected birth. I know I don’t understand the heartbreak of infertility or what it is like to have multiple kids, but I do want to share something I learned after my miscarriage.
God taught me to be content no matter the size of my family, to count my blessings, and enjoy every moment of it. I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but it is what my husband and I have chosen to do. We are thankful for our Bug and our family! I am also thankful for all of you and the opportunity to “do life with you all” through my blog!!!!