So the story goes, I have been having trouble sleeping and focusing for a couple years. Basically since college became my life. A friend thought my symptoms mimicked ADD so I asked my doc to help. He sent me to a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist. Not sure why since I was convinced he thought I was out of my mind when I saw him, my thoughts being EVERYWHERE. I ended up thinking I was heading to a place that would test me and then tell my doc that he, in fact, could prescribe me some meds to help me focus!
That didn’t happen. I ended up talking about a million things, including guilt, touching on my past a little that I wasn’t ready just yet for, and basically the minute said it seems that I am overwhelmed, I burst into tears. I blamed PMS. It has been 3 appointments so far and this past week I had a breakthrough. I am a procrastinator and lack discipline which makes me “work” in chaos mode. Some people work like that always but I HATE it.
She also listened to me talk about feeling like I need to prove to everyone that I can do it all and do it well and feel guilt when I am not awesome. Therefore I got homework papers to read about setting boundaries. I do want people to like me but gave too much power to some close to me, letting them think it was okay to say rude things about my husband or the way I dressed etc.
The biggest breakthrough, however, was figuring out that my procrastination is the root of everything. It causes me to stay up late and I blame insomnia when its anxiety because I put it off for too long. Same with not focusing. The answer is a schedule that in all honesty, completely takes more than half the time I spend online away and lets me accomplish what I want WITH MY WHOLE FAMILY every single day, takes care of studies, and even leaves room for exercise and cleaning! I always say I never have enough time, and I do, I am just not using it right! I am going to be implementing the schedule starting Monday. I will have to take sleeping pills to sleep enough to be up by 7 AM but I am going to try like heck!
Also I really like my “shrink” as I call her, she gets me and she really shares my triumphs with me, like when I got an A on a math quiz for the first time ever! I walked into all this thinking I had ADD when in reality I don’t think I do, I just have to use my time better, and also, let go of some guilt and baggage to be the ME I want to be.