It was one of those rare moments, a somewhat lazy Saturday afternoon spent shopping with my “Patience of Job” husband and precious baby girl. Job suggested that we go out for lunch. Really? No Way! Thus the “rare” in the “moment”. It was the closest thing to a date that we have had in months. I was so glad that I actually applied makeup that morning (mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss – let's not get carried away here.) So wearing my Momma uniform of t-shirt, capri's, pony tail, and flip-flops. Off we went. Lunch was great!
Baby girl was in a wonderful mood while we ate, she wasn't quite sitting up then, so she usually stayed in her car seat, but that was rather short-lived so when she got fussy I put her on my knee and continued to eat one-handed. The knee bouncing did the trick until I smelled it.
Now bear in mind that this is not my first rodeo, baby girl is #4 in the series. Granted there are 24 years between #3 and #4, but if memory serves me correctly the baby poo from #1, #2, and #3 was NEVER this bad. “It” can be smelled for miles. We are talking knock a buzzard off his road kill, something the cat dragged in and regurgitated on the carpet bad. “It” should be labeled a bio-hazard and require at the very least chemical gloves and a supplied air respirator. “It” has the potential to be used for biological warfare. Let me put it this way, if the armed forces had been using this the war would have been over YEARS ago. “It” had flowed down her leg, up her back, and onto my capri's.
In one smooth motion, I had the diaper bag over my shoulder and baby girl bootie up with both hands and on the way to the restroom. Never have I been so glad to see a diaper changing table. I resisted the temptation to strip her naked and give her a bath in the sink in favor of the diaper wipe sponge bath. Once baby girl was changed, we returned to the table with my capri's stinking to high heaven.
Did the waiter stop refilling our drinks? Yes.
Was I glad that my olive green capri's matched the color of her “green beans for dinner last night” poo? Yes.
Did I finish my meal? You bet.
The take away lessons from all of this?
#1. Modify the “wear the color that you are feeding the baby” rule to include the color of what the baby ate last night. (I wear a lot of olive green and chocolate brown bottoms and multi-colored tops these days.)
#2. Cloth diapers are not just for home anymore. Who cares that I have enough padding in her pocket diaper to soak up Cumberland River and it looks like she is smuggling two puppies and a kitten in her diaper (they are soft and furry; baby likes soft and furry-don't hate.). More on this later.
#3. “It” happens and the best response to it is to laugh, just like Job did.