Over the years, several Hollywood Stars have opened up about having a miscarriage. The most recent one is Beyonce. She joins a long list of stars who have publicly admitted to losing a baby including: Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Brooke Shields, Kirsti Alley, and Nicole Kidman. These women and I are worlds apart, but we do have one thing in common. We have experienced the miscarriage of a baby.

I have been contemplating writing this blog for sometime, but haven’t had the words. Plus, I wasn’t sure if anyone would want to hear my story. Had I carried our baby to term, he or she would be turning 1 this month. To help understand the emotions I felt at the time, I have actually pulled an old blog I wrote about my miscarriage.

Date: June 10, 2010 ( Pulled from an old blog)

Needless to say, I right this with a heavy heart because up until yesterday I was pregnant with our second baby. I say "was" because I started noticing some unusually things/changes (I will spare you the details) about 2 weeks ago. After a Sunday morning trip to the hospital the diagnosis didn't look good. The Doctor couldn't find a fetal pole or heartbeat and noticed a small hemorrhage (sounds scary than it is). The only hope we had, was maybe I wasn't as far along as we though. I returned to my Doctor on Tuesday for blood work and an ultrasound (there was very little change to my blood work). We knew this wasn't a good sign. We repeated blood work on Thursday and an ultrasound the following Monday. It was on Monday we found out our baby had quit growing (no heartbeat either) and I was having on miscarriage. Most of Wednesday was spent at the hospital having a D & C.

While this wasn't how intended my second pregnancy to go, I do know through it all we prayed God's will would be done. We were anxious, scared, and confused.

Unfortunately this was the hardest thing to do! My human nature wanted to be selfish and still aches to carry my child to term and hold it, but I know God's plan is perfect! He has a plan in all of this. I also have comfort that my baby is in the arms of Jesus now! There are still tears, questions, and confusion, but I know that God works for the good of those who love Him.

Battling postpartum depression 2 years ago taught me a lot about relying on God and His strength. Needless to say, I didn't know God was preparing me for this loss in our lives. While we grieve we also rejoice in the blessings He has given us. I have a fantastic, supporting, and loving husband and a beautiful, funny, bright 2 year-old.

Wow! I haven’t read that blog post in a year and half. Talk about bringing back some emotions and strong feelings. Ben and I both mourned the loss of our baby differently. I think my mourning was more immediate and his was delayed (not sure why). My mourning was also compounded by the fact; I got postpartum depression again. While it was short-lived, I still experienced a tremendous amount of fear, anxiety, and depression.

What helped during this difficult time was other mother’s sharing their experiences. I was almost shocked by the number of my friends who had miscarried too. Just a year earlier, I had watched a dear friend go through this same heartache. I knew I had people around me who loved me and many of them understood the pain I was going through.

I share my story as encouragement, but also because I think there is great healing in sharing. I hope it encourages fellow mothers who have faced a miscarriage or are facing one. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. There are going to be dark days of confusion and sadness, but it gets better. I don’t think you ever get over the loss of a baby, but you move on from it the best you can.

Much love to all the moms and dads out there who have endured a miscarriage.

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