When I purchased jeans late last summer, they were a tad big. I remember wearing them to the Bon Iver concert at Stir with my love last September. I remember they were clearly too big, like having-to-hike-them-up-repeatedly-as-we-walked-to-the-car-afterward too big.
Memories are nice, aren’t they?
Now, those jeans are my go-to. They fit great. This is both nice and horrible – at the exact same time.
This summer has been one of reckoning when it comes to body image. I am the same weight this morning as I was any morning last summer – 125 pounds. But those pounds have apparently decided to rearrange themselves on my frame. Specifically, they’ve decided to congregate on my hips, lower tummy (I can forever blame this on my babies, right?) and back part of my upper legs (OK, my butt). My jeans fit fine over my calves. It’s just the top part that’s problematic.
After putting on another pair of jeans that last fall I thought were a little too baggy for my liking and being so uncomfortable in them earlier this week that after 10 minutes I knew I couldn’t make it through the whole day sucked up in that denim, I changed. And my body image went from worrying about whether I’d been gaining weight to actually saying, “I have a problem.”
Do I really have a (First World) problem?
Depends on your perspective, I guess.
A few years ago, my ex-husband told me after having not seen me for several months that he liked my new “curves,” despite the muffin top.
I’m still deciding whether that was a compliment or a dig, but I’m pretty sure I know.
An ex-boyfriend’s dirty old friend once said he liked his women with “a little something to hold onto.”
I can’t say I miss seeing him around.
My husband, who remains wonderfully close to perfect, could care less what size I am. I honestly believe him when he tells me I look great.
How good does that feel.
So this is what I know:
– Getting old does not come without challenges.
– Being a grown-up is harder than we ever thought it looked when we were kids.
– Sitting at a desk all day will not help your metabolism.
– Running once a week doesn’t allow you to eat ice cream as often as you’d like.
– It doesn’t get any easier. But we adjust and we grow and we get stronger and BETTER.
– Like yourself. All the time. It’s hard, but keep trying. Decide everyday that you deserve the good, the better, the beautiful. The peace.
And? Choose to enjoy getting to buy new jeans!