One year ago I posted my first Bub and Teebs entry that I titled About Me.
A year ago I was the mother of a rambunctious two year old and sweet but exhausting new baby and I felt like I needed something more. Like there was a passion inside of me that kept whispering let me out, let me show you what you're capable of.
So I did.
I started a blog. And for a few weeks I posted in secrecy with a flood of anxiety every time I clicked the "publish" button. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I knew it made me feel good. I felt accomplished, and more importantly, I felt complete. I felt like the process of writing and piecing together pictures with streams and phrases and words was exactly what I was meant to do. So I kept doing it.
Then one day one of my lovely sister in laws (who I consider actual sisters, the "in law" is just a formality") sent me a text message that she had stumbled upon my blog. At first my heart raced so hard it was almost painful and I wanted to delete the entire blog and pretend it had never happened. I wanted to say the whole thing was a mistake and it wasn't mine and I had no idea what she was talking about. Except, she loved it. And that little bit of love gave me a little bit of encouragement, just enough to share my blog with family...then friends...and then shamelessly plug it anywhere I could. That one tiny bit of encouragement changed everything.
And one year later, I know that writing and taking pictures is what I want my life filled with. I know that I am a mother, and a wife, and I am blessed enough to have a passion that includes every aspect of my life. I get to write and take pictures about my family. And it helps me feel better about the bad times, and more good about the good times, and gives me this little dream to look forward to when one day I can show my boys what I have done and say look, this is your childhood and this is how much you were loved. This is how much I tried.
I am not perfect. Our life is not perfect. This blog, my writing, my pictures, they are far from perfect. But this is me trying. And after a year of doing this I can't help but believe that trying...trying is always perfect.
One year ago I wrote this prophetic explanation of our family:
"We aren't perfect. The kind of family where no one is ever smiling or looking at the camera at the same time. We bicker, stumble, fall. We are often late and unorganized. In fact, as a whole we are a LOT to handle. But for the most part, we just try really hard. And we are happy. My three high energy men and me."
And judging from this wonderful family picture recently taken by my dad, not much has changed:
But especially the part about being happy. That hasn't changed. We are happy. Oh we bicker, we fight, we are still off schedule and late. We are unorganized, we stumble, and yes, we often fall. But we fall together. And we gather ourselves up together. And we move forward together. Because at the end of the day we are together and I have come to believe that nothing is ever more important than that.
So here is a thank you to everyone who has followed this blog for this exciting, trying, and beautiful year of our life as bloggers. I hope it has given you as much as it has given me. I still panic each time I press the "publish" button, but it's a good kind of panic. A this is really hard but does so much good for my soul kind of panic. And the best part is that I know I am not alone. Each time I write it isn't "About Me" it is "About Us."
It is about my three high energy men and me <3
Read more from Jessica at bubandteebs.com