His and Hers Dishwashers

This article, entitled "His and Hers Dishwashers," comes from Rebecca Regnier, MomsEveryday correspondent from Toledo, OH.

Recently there’s been some news coverage over loading the dishwasher. Apparently we all do it wrong. Except my husband.

My husband and I have been warring over the dishwasher for decades.

In fact, to the newly engaged, forget the extra bath towels on the registry, go for an extra dishwasher. I believe His and Hers Dishwasher sets could be the secret to marital bliss.

My husband says my dishwasher loading skills are subpar. I’ve heard him say, “It’s like Animal from The Muppets put the forks in here.” As I journalist I felt it important to interview him about this topic.

Me: How would you describe my dishwasher loading style?

Husband: I’m torn between “purposeful placement ignorance” and “organizational anarchist.” Chimps have stacked boxes in a more organized way to get bananas.

Me: So how do you describe YOUR dishwasher loading style?

Husband: The Correct One.

He’s disgusted with my bohemian, let the forks fall where they may, hippie chic, the- dishes-will-find-their-own-place-in-the-racks attitude.

My husband claims my mosh pit style obscures the jets, confuses the cutlery and encourages delinquency in minors. He’s got a system of taller cups on the inside upper rack, shorter mugs along the outside upper rack and then plates go to military school while bowls do sit ups to get less round in the middle. Apparently more dishes can fit in this way and they’ll actually get clean.

The problem is I don’t care. I think of the dishwasher as a place to store things. If they get clean in the interim that’s a bonus. And I’m not going to mention here that I wash the pans in the sink even when it isn’t my turn while my husband claims everything needs to soak. “It needs to soak” is code for, “I’m not washing that.”

It’s too late for us. We’ve been married long enough now that the dishwasher damage had been done. But listen up newlyweds, chuck the towels, the pizza stone, and the linen napkins. Tell your guests you want two dishwashers and your marriage is sure to survive, at least until he turns the thermostat down…

About the Author...
Rebecca Regnier
Rebecca Regnier is an award winning journalist. She hosts a television show called Rebecca Regnier’s Full Plate and writes a weekly newspaper humor column.

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